3 tips to help you break the self-sabotaging cycle

I want to tell you about a friend i have whom i find very easy to be vulnerable and safe with. She is smart, funny and more importantly, always there when i need someone to talk to. Her name is Awo and she lives inside my head.m

Have you ever had a friend who’s opinion you valued but have now come to realize that the price you pay for her every companionship is an eroding self esteem.

Hypercritical. Blunt. Overprotective.

She is quick to point out my flaws, mistakes and let’s me know when i’m being “stupid”.

No sugar coating.

Well… i am telling you all this because a few months ago, she went too far and i was at an impasse. My fear of failing, being alone and getting hurt made it difficult for me to tell her my mind. But at the same time, my self worth was dwindling right before my eyes and i had to do something lest it disappears.

Since I can’t get rid of her, I’ve learnt to keep her on a leash with these 3 tips

  1. Acknowledge your fears – Take sometime, sit down and write down all the things you are afraid of e.g fear of failure (or success)
  2. Be kind to yourself – Ask the “whys” the next time you talk negative to yourself. For instance, why do you think you’re not good enough for the job/position/competition which is preventing you from applying ? Be mindful of how you talk to yourself and the kind of words you use
  3. Finally, remember that you are HUMAN! You cannot expect to be perfect, incapable of mistakes, failures and silly choices. Give yourself room for error, that is not to say aim low but learn how to let it go!

It can be challenging dealing with something like self-sabotage because it’s woven in the very fibre of our being which makes it difficult to detect but I believe we can with practice and a conscious effort to be the best version of ourselves.

You are enough.